Dirty Texting
by LenaGuffi
Summary: Jess and Nick are in a relationship. Being separated by their respective jobs, they engage in texting. It might get a little steamy in there... Might count as mild M... but putting it under T, as nothing major or graphic ) Thanks to Mayalala, my guardian angel ))


So, I've been thinking about Nick and Jess being together in the new season. "Friends don't let friends do friends"? Seriously, Fox?

Anyways, I thought they would definitely text each other at times... maybe some dirty stuff...

So here goes.

* * *

Monday, October 7, 2013

11:30AM

**Nick**  
Hello there, pretty girl!

11:32AM

**Jess**  
Hello yourself, big boy!

11:33AM

**Nick**  
Mmm… I love it when you call me big boy… Whatcha doing?

11:34AM

**Jess**  
Eating lunch. Enjoying silence after two hours of yelling. I mean, I love these kids… but I'm starting to re-think my teaching methods.

11:35AM

**Nick**  
Well, it's really quiet here in the bar. I'm feeling bored. How are you?

11:36AM

**Jess**  
Sleepy…

11:37AM

**Nick**  
Hmm… Rough night?

11:37AM

**Jess**  
Ask big boy.

11:38AM

**Nick**  
Big boy says he's sorry.

11:39AM

**Jess**  
He should be.

11:40AM

**Nick**  
Well, he had his way last night, for sure.

11:41AM

**Jess**  
He should be ashamed of himself. Kept me up all night. Very rude.

11:42AM

**Nick**  
He's a rude shameless bastard.

11:43AM

**Jess**  
He is. But I'm thinking… you both deserve punishment.

11:44AM

**Nick**  
I plead not guilty. I blame you and your pink robe on case of seduction.

11:45AM

**Jess**  
My pink robe and I are outraged by your shocking accusations. We will be taking this case to the court. Fair trial will be conducted in the closed chambers of my bedroom tonight. Punishment will be imposed and enforced.

11:47AM

**Nick**  
I know my rights, woman. I will appeal to the Supreme Court - branch office in my bedroom.

11:48AM

**Jess**  
Ha-ha! I just spilled my milk all over my phone. Seriously though, no way would Supreme Court branch office be in your bedroom. A branch office of Garbage and Waste Department – maybe.

11:50AM

**Nick**  
Ouch!

11:51AM

**Jess**

Sorry, Nick, but it's true. I'm an honest person, Nick.

11:51AM

**Nick**

I'm really hurt right now – deeply wounded, woman. Some epic stuff happened in this bedroom!

11:52AM

**Jess**  
Okay, I give you that, Miller. But even Kate Middleton delivering her first born in your bedroom wouldn't turn it into the Supreme Court branch office.

11:52AM

**Nick**  
So, whose room would it be then?

11:53AM

**Jess**  
Are you asking, which room in the loft would go for a branch office of Supreme Court?

11:54AM

**Schmidt**  
Obviously, my room. Why are you asking, Jess?

11:52AM

**Jess**  
Schmidt?

11:53AM

**Schmidt**

Yes.

11:54AM

**Jess**

Why are you answering me?

11:54AM

**Nick**

Jess?

11:56AM

**Schmidt**  
Because you texted me…

11:57AM

**Nick**

Jess, are you there?

11:58AM

**Jess**

Schmidt, it was a mistake. It was meant for Nick.

12:00AM

**Schmidt**

Why are you talking with Nick about Supreme Court? Is he obsessing again about that Google conspiracy thing?

12:01AM

**Nick**

Jess, have you dropped your phone into your plate with cereal again?

12:01AM

**Jess**

Never mind, Schmidt! Just forget it, okay?

12:01

**Nick**

Jess, are you there or do I have to call 911?

12:02

**Jess**

I'm here, Nick. Was talking to Schmidt.

12:03

**Nick**

Talking to who?

12:04

**Jess**

No biggie, just sent my text to Schmidt, instead of you, by mistake.

12:04

**Nick**

WHAT?

12:05

**Jess**

Calm down Miller, It's actually funny. He thinks, his bedroom is the best room for Supreme Court brunch office. Haha. Imagine that.

12:06

**Nick**

Not funny, Jess. NOT FUNNY!

12:07AM

**Jess**

I mean, just think about those soft silky bed sheets. Cece once told me, they are heavenly.

12:08AM

**Nick**

NO!

12:08AM

**Jess**

Do you still want to appeal, Nicholas? Just say the word, and Schmidt's bedroom is at your service.

12:09AM

**Schmidt**

Jess? Why are you offering my bedroom to Nick Miller? What's going on there?

12:10AM

**Jess**

Schmidt? Sorry, texted you by mistake again. Ignore it!

12:11AM

...

12:12AM

**Schmidt**

Nicholas Miller, not a single filthy body part of yours will touch my finest merino wool and a onethousand count Egyptian cotton sheets! Do you understand?

12:12AM

**Nick**

Schmidt?

12:13AM

**Schmidt**

I'm not sharing the temple of divine sexual pleasure, otherwise known as my bedroom, with the low peasant commoner like you! No plebeian will interfere with pure feng shui energy and exquisite erotic aura of my bedroom! Only I can unleash my sexual fantasies inside these walls!

12:13AM

**Jess**

Nick, are you there? Texted Schmidt again, by mistake. I'm so clumsy!

12:14AM

**Nick**

Jess, are you trying to kill me right now?! Stop texting Schmidt for God's sake!

12:15AM

**Jess**

Sometimes my phone just does it… Sorry…

12:16AM

**Nick**

No sorry will make up for what I just experienced. The stuff that I read can't be unread. No sorry will erase the terrifying images I have in my head right now!

12:17AM

**Jess**

Even if I wear my invisible shirt tonight? Along with my invisible panties?…

12:18AM

…

12:19AM

**Nick**  
Damn, Jess! I just dropped and broke the most expensive bottle of whiskey we have in the bar. Shane is looking at me funny. You are going to get me fired, Jess!

12:20AM

**Jess**  
What did I do?

12:21AM

**Nick**  
Invisible shirt AND invisible panties, Jess? You know how I feel about invisible panties!

12:22AM

**Jess**  
I know, Nicholas. But you were a bad boy. You were a dirty boy. I'm sore everywhere, I can't sit and I can hardly stand. Did you think you would get away with that?

12:24AM

**Nick**  
I didn't hear you complain yesterday, Jess. But you did keep chanting my name and at some point you literally begged me and I quote: "Please, Nick, please don't stop, I'm begging you, don't ever stop…"

12:25AM

**Jess**  
Ugh… I hate you…

12:25AM

**Nick**  
I _"hate"_ you too, Jess. Come home and I will show you just how much I _"hate"_ you. And I mean it. You will have to take a day off after tonight.

12:26AM

**Jess**  
Is that a threat?

12:26AM

**Nick**  
No. It's a promise.

12:27

….

12:28

….

12:29

**Jess**

I have to go to the classroom right now, but we are not done here, Miller!

12:30AM

**Nick**  
Definitely not done. Me and the big boy will have to take a lengthy bathroom break right now, if you know what I mean…

12:31AM

**Jess**  
Eww, Nick, too much information. I have to teach kids, you know, and now I have a mental image of you, self-completing in the bathroom. Gross.

12:32AM

**Nick**  
Karma is a **. Don't forget to wear your invisible shirt AND panties tonight.

12:33AM

**Jess**  
Hope I can find them. Haha! Get it? Because they are INVISIBLE!

12:33AM

**Nick**

You funny girl. See you tonight. Miss you.

12:34AM

**Jess**

Miss you too, big boy.

* * *

END


End file.
